Unplanned Confessions Pt. 2

Posted on Wed Nov 3rd, 2021 @ 5:30am by Lieutenant Kennedy Ryan Walsh & Lieutenant Irynya
Edited on on Fri Nov 5th, 2021 @ 11:02pm

Mission: The Place of Skulls
Location: Junior Crew Quarters, Deck 4
Timeline: Mission Day 29 at 2200

[Junior Crew Quarters, Deck 4]
[MD 29 - 2210 Hours]

The quarters Irynya shared with Sheldon, Noah, and Kennedy were cozy--the kindest descriptor the Risian could think of as she had taken to pacing. It had been a long, and sometimes grueling, couple of days for the pilot. In addition to her usual duties she had been seeing Bracco daily--not for long sessions, but long enough to level set each day, uncovering a bit more of the source of her claustrophobic anxiety each time. Today had been her fourth session and the counselor had inquired who, other than Noah who had--like a saint--sat with her through the first session, she might confide in.

Irynya had, at that moment, been sitting in one of the counselor's two chintz chairs wondering if this was where Kennedy sat when he spoke with the woman. She had nodded her reply to the question, his name leaving her lips as she did.

She hadn't hesitated to name him as someone she could confide in during their session, but Bracco had asked her to agree to speak with him sometime in the next week and tonight was the only night when she was certain that Sheldon had a late duty rotation. She hesitated now, though, an abyss of thorny worry and shame feeling like it might engulf her.

So she paced the length of their rooms, smiling weakly at Noah when he had retired leaving her with a hug and a reminder that she could do hard things.

"Computer, time," she called quietly into the air for the 10th time in as many minutes.

"The time is 2210," the computer replied placidly.

She glanced at the door, still for a moment, and then she turned to pace the room again.

Kennedy had been pulling double rotations since Ankerus, which he thought was pretty normal for a Chief Medical Officer. He had been accustomed to being always on call at a moment’s notice as a doctor on a starship.

He walked through the door into the common area, exhaling deeply while he walked towards the replicator. He was hungry and knew should eat but didn’t have the energy, “Water on ice, with citrus peel.” He picked up his drink and took a quick sip.

Irynya’s pacing had taken her three more turns around the common room before he arrived. She was on the opposite end of the space when the door opened and she whirled, freezing when Kennedy walked through the door.

He looked exhausted and didn’t immediately see her. For a brief moment she considered calling this off and waiting for a better time to talk. One when he wasn’t tired. One when she wasn’t a ball of nerves. But she knew better. She knew that perfect conditions were rare. So she let out a quiet breath and crossed the room.

He didn’t see her until he heard her footsteps crossing the common room. He turned his back on the replicator. He was frowning until he spotted her. A slight smile came across his face,, “Hi...” he looked down at the glass and then back to her, “Would you like something from the replicator?”

She looked him over as she approached, taking in the slope of his shoulders, the way his body language was less open. All nervousness about what she needed to tell him forgotten--if only momentarily--she closed the remaining few feet, sliding her arms underneath his, to wrap around him in a hug before settling her head on his shoulder.

He awkwardly held the glass of water between them. Carefully he pulled it from between them. With his free hand he crooked it around her shoulder, “I… I have missed you too..” He smiled. He leaned in, kissing her on the side of the head awkwardly.

She held that position for a long moment, savoring the familiarity of him, the safety she always felt when they were together, before pulling away.

“If you’re not too tired, I’d like to talk,” she said, her voice taking on some of her earlier nerves. “I… I have some things I want to share with you. If that’s ok.”

Kennedy nodded his head while he gingerly made his way to their spot on the couch, “Of course we can. I will always make time for you. You know that, right?” He turned around, about to sit down on the couch.

She hadn’t followed him. “Umm… tonight… I thought maybe we could talk in my room? It’s… Sheldon’s on a night shift… and I would feel a bit better if we could talk… privately.” She searched his face, hoping he wouldn’t be alarmed by her change of their usual location.

Kennedy barely touched the couch when he sat down and in a quick slight movement he was back on his feet. He was surprised by her request. It must have been something serious if she was requesting privacy; they had talked about a lot of private things on the couch in the common area. His expression was slightly uncertain. She had something on her mind that she wanted to talk about and he was clueless what it was about.

“Okay... “ He took a few steps closer to her and then paused, “Just poke me if I start falling asleep, okay?” He shot her a shy grin.

She chuckled at that, a grin spreading across her features despite herself. “You’re going to fall asleep sitting on my bed?” she asked with a small laugh, the thought sending her insides into a riot of butterflies taking flight. “Go put on comfortable clothes first, then come over? Ok?”

“Oh?” His eyes and face perked up. Then, blushing, he nodded his head when he clued in. “Oh!” He looked over to the room he shared with Noah and then back to her, “Okay. I’ll be right there.”

Kennedy downed the water quickly before setting it down on the replicator. His finger traced the replicator’s console to flick the dematerialize option. He looked over at her quickly, smiling, “See you soon. Real soon.”

He left the common area to quickly change into his pajamas. He came back out, looking over at their spot on the couch to ensure that she had already made her way to her room. He nodded to himself then tapped the button at her door.

Irynya was sitting, cross-legged, on her bed when the door chime sounded. “Come,” she said, loud enough to release the lock and let Kennedy into the room. She had seen him in his pajamas enough times now that it shouldn’t have affected her the way it did. And yet… the wiggly winged creature feeling she got in her gut kicked up at the sight of him all the same.

“Hi,” she said quietly, indicating the spot next to her on the bed. “Sit?”

Kennedy folded his hands together and lowered his head slightly while he walked into the bedroom she shared with Sheldon. He bit his lip, forcing himself to look up to see her. He looked at her and then around her quarters. He twirled his thumbs against each other before pulling apart his hands and settling them on his thighs. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves.

He approached Sheldon’s bed to sit across for her but changed course to the end of her bed. He looked over at her while his hands shifted from his thighs onto the sides of the bed. His fingers pointing downwards to the floor. The last time he had been in her room he was “helping” her move into her quarters. Unsure what to do with his hands against her bedsheeting so he placed the palms of his hands on his knees.

Kennedy, what are you doing, son? A familiar nagging voice played in his ear. He bit down on his lip ignoring his internalized Mother. “Hi.”

“Kennedy,” she said, a giggle in her tone. “We’ve cuddled on the couch plenty of times. Sitting next to me on the bed is really not going to hurt you. Besides, that's going to be uncomfortable quick. Sit here.” She indicated a spot right next to her against the wall rather than the edge of the bed.

“Okay…” He spun and twisted himself around, crawling slowly to the space that she had indicated on the bed. He got onto his knees, turning about to crawl across her bed before turning around with his back against the bulkhead, his legs stretched out in front of him.

“Better?” she asked, eyebrows raised. She scooted a bit closer to him, her knee grazing his thigh. For good or ill she wanted to be close to him for this conversation.

“Yeah,” Kennedy replied. He smiled once her knee grazed up against his thigh. He loved when she touched him. “I haven’t… been in here… since you moved in. Looks cozy.”

She smirked slightly at that. It hadn’t exactly occurred to her that he hadn’t been in her room since that first day. For as close as the two of them had become, this small detail felt particularly intimate. For a moment she was extremely aware of the fact that they were alone.

On a bed.

Irynya stared down at her hands, taking a second to refocus.

“So,” she said when she had shut down all of the ohmygoodnessKennedyissittingonmybed feelings. “I need to tell you about something that’s going on with me. And it’s a hard thing to talk about. But… it’s something I need you to know.”

“Okay,” Kennedy nodded his head, “Good… good… good… this is fine...” He found it hard to be direct about why she wanted to speak to him in a more private setting. He took a deep breath and nodded to himself, “So what would you like to talk to me about?”

She looked up at him, expression serious. “You know I’ve been having… nightmares…” she said, uncertainty in her voice as the nerves from before began reasserting their dominance. “It’s… it’s more than dreams. I’ve been…” she frowned. She’d practiced this in her head for the last several hours and everything she had practiced seemed to disappear now that she was actually talking to him.

“Umm… so about three weeks ago I accidentally walked in on Noah in the bathroom. It was… weird… but that’s a thing that can happen with roommates.” The look she gave him was apologetic. Irynya was painfully aware how easily this mishap could be misunderstood. “And… umm… we were both running late so we just kind of pretended it didn’t happen and got on with showering.”

Her eyes darted to his face trying to gauge his reaction. “My shower malfunctioned,” she said, “The lock on the door wouldn’t disengage and... and…” She stammered to a stop, the memory of realizing she was stuck and the building tension of panic conspiring against her. Her breathing started to pick up in time with a more rapid heartbeat and she pressed her lips together in a thin line.

Kennedy was uncertain how he felt at that moment hearing what had happened between Irynya and Noah. The three of them were more than simply roommates. He was happy Noah was there for her but wished he had been instead. She was his focus right now. He took her hand into both of his. Holding her hand firmly, he reassured her, “I’m not going anywhere Irynya. I’m here. Right here with you. Name five things you can feel for me?”

“Your hands, your leg, the comforter, the spot where my ankle tucks under my knee, my hair on the back of my neck,” she whispered.

He lightly caressed her hand, his fingers running circles that started and ended at her wrist. “Name five things you can see.”

Her breathing faltered, but her heart rate slowed. She looked up, studying him, “Your face, the wall behind you, the door, the end of the bed, blankets,” she said, her voice steadier now. She pressed a long breath through her lips. “I’m going to keep going, ok?’

He squeezed her hand between his. Nodding his head, “Okay. Go on, if you’re ready. Okay?”

She squeezed back, lightly. “I was stuck,” she continued. Her voice trembled slightly, but she pressed on. “I’m not really sure what I would have done had Noah not actually been there. He was able to get me out, but I was panicking by the time he had. I mean… like… couldn’t breathe right, weight on my chest, type of panic.”

She searched his face again, wishing for a bit of Dr. t’Nai’s empathic sense. “I haven’t been able to set foot in our sonic showers since then. I’ve… I’ve been showering in the Enlisted showers… They’re an open format so… I don’t know… it doesn’t make me panic…”

He slowly nodded his head while squeezing her hand firmly before responding, “I… I am glad that you have been able to find refuge in a place where you can shower safely.”

He observed they were presently very close to each other on Irynya’s bed. He knew that they weren’t confined in a small space for the two of them. It hadn’t come up how close they sat on the couch together before bed every night but he felt like he should check, “Are you… okay with being this close to you?”

Her brow furrowed at his question. “Of course I am,” she said with certainty in her tone that hadn’t been there a moment ago. To punctuate the point she shifted slightly, bringing herself around so that she was sitting right next to him, legs running across the bed pressed against his. She crossed one ankle over the other and nudged him lightly with her shoulder. “It helps keep me here to tell you this while we’re touching.”

Kennedy watched Irynya reshuffle herself up against him. He felt her shoulder nudge against him softly and nodded his head with a slight frown while he crossed his arms together laying them against his waist. He looked down at his feet taking a deep breath and his frown lifted, more of a reflection of her action and on what she said.

“Okay… while I appreciate you telling me now… why didn’t you feel like mentioning this to me sooner? I’m glad that... Noah helped you out…” His frown returned while his hands unfolded. He wasn’t sure what to say next, “I would have been here for you… I hate the thought that you’ve gone through this alone… you’ve been there for me time and time again.” He took a deep breath as his voice had turned a bit raspy with emotion, “I would have been here for you.”

Her face fell, regret and guilt warring across her features. “I know you would have,” she said quietly, suddenly finding her feet particularly interesting. For a moment she debated moving away, giving him space since his body language screamed discomfort. But in the end she was selfish and she didn't. Instead, she crossed one arm across her chest, wrapping her hand around her bicep.

“I didn’t tell anyone about it, Kennedy. Not you, not Noah, not Sheldon, not anybody. But the panic got worse and… Noah figured it out… and… Kennedy, it was bad. It was…” tears started to prick at the corners of her eyes. “I’m ashamed about this, Kennedy. Embarrassed. Mortified. I know it’s stupid, but I was worried if you knew you’d…”

A deep frown formed on Kennedy’s face after and his eyes shifted into sincerity once she gave him an explanation. He hoped he hadn’t made things worse for her. It felt like someone reached into his chest squeezing his heart when tears welled and ran down her face. He felt terrible; it was unfair of him to make this about him. This was about her. He squeezed her hand tightly. “I’d what?” He asked rhetorically before shifting to face her, “You’ve been here for me countless times, Irynya. I would have been here for you then as I’m here for you now.”

Kennedy thought for a moment before returning to where he was before. He dropped his hand from hers, wrapping his arm around her shoulder bringing them closer together. He gave her what he felt was half of a hug unable to wrap his other arm around her.

She twisted into his hug, wrapping her arms around him in turn, gulping back a lump that had started to form in her throat. “After Noah figured it out… I started talking to Dr. Bracco. And she asked me who, besides Noah, I could confide in and… you were the first person who came into my head. I was saying your name before I could even consider how you would take it.”

He nodded his head while using his free arm to wipe away his own tears, “I’m so sorry. You don’t have to be ashamed of this, ever. Okay?” It pained him to see the only person he deeply cared for onboard the Sojourner deal with something at this level of extreme discomfort. He knew she had the support of Dr. Bracco, Noah and himself on her side but had no illusions about how long it could take to address anxiety this deep.

“I’m sorry about my reaction. That was very unfair of me to say, Irynya. You just have been here so much for me since I’ve come aboard the Sojourner. I don’t know what else to say. I would have been lost without you. And, I’m here with you every step of the way. Okay? You can count on me.” His hand squeezed her on the shoulder. He frowned lightly at her tears and her pain. Gently, he brought his fingers to her face, carefully wiping the tears from both of her cheeks.

She gave him a sad smile as his hand moved to wipe her cheeks. “I was worried… after what you’ve told me… about how you feel… that you might realize that you were in love with someone else. A version of me that’s not so messy maybe.” Her cheeks pinked slightly. “I… I was afraid if you knew… that you’d go away.” She let a shaky breath out then. “I… I’m still a little worried about that.”

His fingers softly stroked down the side of her far cheek to her chin. He gently repositioned her head to make eye contact with him, looking up and down her face. He hadn’t used the word love when he confessed his feelings about her. He bit his lip.

Love.The word rolled through his thoughts and his cheeks flushed. How could he have not realized that was the word he meant to say that night? Then he remembered his upbringing. It was a word they hardly used in the Ryan Walsh home. It was a word he was taught only to use seldomly; to be careful with such a word. His own anxieties had surfaced, but they quickly eased. He saw her with more clarity. Her usage of the word love pulled his heartstring.

He was relieved that she had used that word and smiled. He did indeed love Irynya and felt foolish now remembering how he told her that he liked, liked, liked, liked her.

Kennedy took a deep breath. He had forgotten that his hand had moved her chin to face him, “Look at,” he was still blushing as he realized his mistake, “...you are.”

She had watched his face as he thought through what she said, worry and hope battling for dominance in her chest. Eyes tentative, she held his gaze.

“Please bear with me, okay?” Kennedy leaned in, kissing her on the cheek. “You have nothing to worry about. I don’t plan on leaving the Sojo anytime soon.”

“Not the Sojo,” she interrupted quietly. “Me…”

“I could never leave you,” He frowned briefly, a bit surprised at the thought of ever leaving her. He took a deep breath and then continued speaking, “You know me better than I know myself. Truly, I mean that. I was raised to seldomly use that word. I believe I was eight when my mother overheard me telling my Auntie Jane that I loved her. She lectured me that this word was a very important word to use and said that we shouldn’t love people so freely.”

“Saying that, I have searched for that word for so long while I have known you and it feels so right. I’m embarrassed that I couldn’t tell you that night that I loved you.” Kennedy’s accent became increasingly noticeable the more emotional he got. “There’s nothing that will change that… ever. Please understand that. I support you one hundred and ten percent, I will always be here for you. Even if you don’t feel the same way like I feel for you.”

He took a deep breath, unable to continue. His heart was racing and the butterflies in his stomach were hitting him hard.

Irynya had been quiet through most of his explanation and for a long moment she pressed her lips together, gathering up the words for her response like she was gathering a set of unruly cats that didn’t want to go the right direction.

“I’ve known that you love me for a while now,” she finally said, “even without you saying it that way.”

She searched his eyes again, willing herself to hold them. “It’s because I knew that I didn’t say something. It’s… a scary thing to think about losing someone you love… to think that maybe they don’t love you, but some version of yourself and that if you tell them the truth… that they might not love you anymore. I… I was scared.”

Kennedy’s heart skipped a few beats before a smile came across his face, “You…. love… me?”

She nodded, her expression shifting from anxious to shy. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “I do.”

“I love you, Irynya.” Kennedy’s voice deepened slightly with affirmation of his love for her. He placed his hand above his heart while the other squeezed her shoulder, “I love you no matter what you’re going through, I will be here with you every step of the way and support you in any way you need me to. That’s what people do when they love each other. They help each other get through things, together. And that’s exactly what we will do.”

His voice pitched up with excitement and his hand slid to her other shoulder, “Irynya loves Kennedy.” He smiled, speaking in a very school-boy-esque singsong way.

She laughed then, tension breaking as she did. “She does, yes.” she remarked with a small grin, the nerves and uncertainty she had been feeling for hours flowing out of her in one enormous rush. "Are you going to kiss me now or should I be the one to…” she trailed off, eyebrows raising pointedly.

Without a pause, both of Kennedy’s hands moved to her chin, lightly locking her head into position for him to home in on her lips. He kissed her deeply, closing his eyes, giving everything he had to that kiss.

She grinned into his kiss before relaxing, her lips moving gently against his. Carefully, she snaked an arm around him, shifting again so that she no longer had her back to the wall. Slowly she leaned back, ab muscles tensing, as she pulled him down with her before adjusting so that they were side by side on the bed.

When he finally released her, she grinned. “So we’ll see where this goes?” she asked quietly, her voice echoing the pleasantly ragged sound of someone who had just been thoroughly kissed.

Kennedy, now laying on his side, one hand trapped between them, smiled at her. His free hand moved down her side, caressing it lightly. He smiled, “We will definitely see this through.” He tucked his head against her lower shoulder lightly.

Irynya propped her head on her hand, twisting to watch his hand trail down her side. She was more than a little bit surprised by the movement. When he paused she turned back to him, an amused smile on her face. "And by see this through you mean… the anxiety? How we feel about each other?" She tilted her head to the side indicating his hand. "That?"

He blushed, resting his hand against her side. Looking into her hazel eyes, he nodded his head, “Through everything not limited to our anxieties but whatever comes next between us.” He stopped the movement of his hand, belatedly realizing that he was stroking her side again. He blushed again before stopping, “Sorry… is that okay?”

"It is," she said with what she hoped was an encouraging smile. She half sat up, looking at the position he was in for a moment and chuckled. "I keep forgetting about the Firsts," she said. "You've never been in this position before, have you? With someone you’re attracted to, I mean."

Kennedy shook his head, “No, I haven’t ever been in this position before.”

She grinned, taking the hand he had tucked in front of him and tugging lightly before settling next to him again with her arm underneath her head. "Like this. It's more comfortable if you're going to lay on your side for very long."

Kennedy’s eyes studied her, considering how she was laying on her bed beside him. He took note and nodded his head thankfully, closing his eyes while she guided his hand between them. He loved when she touched him. He reopened his eyes, before repositioning himself accordingly.

He popped up his head, propping it like she had done moments before. He blushed, “Thank you.”

She grinned wider, "That makes this easier," she said then, leaning closer. She shifted slightly, closing the space between them and then slowly pressed her lips to his. Her hand shifted to his waist, resting there as she kissed him.

Kennedy raised an eyebrow at her remark. His eyes widened once she shifted closer, pressing against him. He released a sound of surprise when her lips grazed against his, and felt her hand move to his waist. Electricity pulsed through his body.

She released him after a long moment, tongue running along her lips quickly before she pressed them together. With a sigh she shifted back a few inches, giving them both space to breathe. “It might help to reduce the number of times either of us needs to ask what is ok if we... umm … talk about what comes next?"

While taking a deep breath, he nodded his head, refocusing on breathing from the kiss they had just shared. He breathed in deeply through his nose and back out of his mouth. Once his breathing normalized he was able to speak, “I guess we have to follow protocol… and inform Doctor t’Nai that we are together?” He bit his lower lip, becoming anxious as he considered what Dr. t’Nai would think. She had told him to take it slow and get to know Irynya better. Kennedy had done precisely that every night since admitting his feelings with the aid of his nurses in Debbie’s Diner. He was puzzled about what Emni would think now that the two of them were together.

Irynya's expression softened. "Ok. We'll talk to Dr. t'Nai then.”

“We will talk to Dr. t’Nai then,” Kennedy repeated. He yawned loudly while stretching his arm slightly above his head before setting it down on his side.

Irynya caught the yawn and sighed. "You need to sleep," she said gently, reluctance evident in her voice, "but I don't want you to go."

Kennedy nodded his head yawning for the second time while his hand reached out to touch hers. He shook his head back and forth to confirm he didn’t want to leave her, “I don’t want to leave you. You told me for the first time that you love me and even being in the next room...” He looked her in the eye before shifting onto his back. He craved her touch. “That’s too far. Too far from you. Do you think Sheldon won’t mind if I bunk with you?”

She considered that a moment. She was fairly certain Sheldon would mind, but she wasn't sure she cared. "Would you stay even if he did?" She asked quietly. "If I asked you to?"

“I wouldn’t care what Sheldon would say,” Kennedy smiled at her, “I will stay right here if you don’t want me to go. I’m going to hunker down and cuddle my girlfriend.” He blushed, “Is it okay… if I call you… my girlfriend?” He asked with a bit of a high pitch giddiness in his voice.

"I mean… I am your girlfriend," she said with a laugh. "It would be odd if you didn't."

She thought a moment then, raising her eyebrows at him before tilting her head up to look at the wall. “Computer,” she said to the space above their heads, “access duty roster for Ensign Sheldon Parsons for this date.”

The computer chirped it’s understanding of the request. “Ensign Sheldon Parsons is on active duty in engineering.”

Iry’s smile spread. “When does Ensign Parsons’ shift end?” she inquired.

“Ensign Parsons’ is scheduled to go off duty at 0600,” the computer responded neutrally.

Irynya gave Kennedy a relieved grin. "Computer set alarm for 0545," she said, relaxing at the computer's confirming chirp.

He repositioned quickly back onto his side reaching his hand across to her hip to pull her closer to him. He kissed her deeply.

“Should we get… under the blankets?”

She grinned when he pulled away, a thrill running through her as his confidence increased. "Yeah," she said, voice made soft by emotion in the moment.

She tugged at the comforter where it met the wall using her feet to lift herself up so she could pull it out. Once done she sat up reaching around him to tug the blanket from the opposite side.

He tried to mimic her fluid movement, turning into a tangle of Kennedy instead. Temporarily, he got out of the bed pulling the comforter down before climbing into bed next to her. He lay on his back, using his free arm to pull up the comforter before reaching for her hand and squeezing it. A smile appeared across his face and followed by a yawn before he kissed her softly. “I love you Irynya.”

She shifted closer to him, her head settling on his arm. Legs brushed against his, adjusting slightly until her ankle rested on top of one of his, foot curving behind his own.

"I love you too," she whispered, breath dusting along his neck as she said it.

Gently, she reached up, running long fingers gently through his hair from the front of his scalp to the back, releasing and repeating the motion.

Kennedy started to get much warmer than what he was accustomed to when he slept alone. The warmth felt right. He felt anchored now that she had curved her foot around his to hold him into place. He grinned when she told him she loved him, closing his eyes while her fingers ran through his hair.

"Close your eyes, Kennedy," she said, voice lulling and gentle.

He murmured that he loved her under his breath and closed his eyes.

A small smile stole across her face and for the first time in two weeks she closed her eyes, certain that she wouldn't dream.

A Joint Post from the Prolific Duo

Lieutenant JG Irynya
Acting Chief Flight Control Officer

Lieutenant JG Kennedy Ryan Walsh
Acting Chief Medical Officer