Kiss and Tell

Posted on Mon Oct 18th, 2021 @ 3:17am by Lieutenant Kennedy Ryan Walsh & Lieutenant Irynya

Mission: The Place of Skulls
Location: Junior Crew Quarters - Deck 4
Timeline: Mission Day 23 at 2200

[Deck 4, Junior Crew Quarters]
[MD 23 - 2200 Hours]

They had taken to meeting on the couch after everyone went to bed. Some nights it was Irynya who stayed up, making an excuse for why she was still out in the common area. Others it was Kennedy. But every time that one would be awake, the other would eventually wander out to the couch and sit.

Kennedy's PADD of questions was ubiquitous, although as these tete-a-tetes continued, the conversations were less guided--more organic.

On this night, Irynya had picked the table to wait. Duty rotations had become both easier and more painful. With only two other pilots on board they were unable to follow the usual 4 shift rotation that the rest of the crew maintained. She had taken to cycling them so that no single pilot was on the Bridge for more than 10 hours at a time, a back up on call down the chain of command at all times. The effect was wreaking havoc on her sleep cycles and the two pilots serving under her were in no better shape. She had been sitting in this spot thinking and rethinking what to do for nearly two hours.

Setting the PADD down she stretched, SOJO t-shirt hiking up as she did. One hand absently tugged at the edge to pull it back down.

Kennedy had been putting in long days in the aftermath of the drone attack with the treatment plans for long term patients until they received adequate care. A look of defeat had settled across his face as he walked into their quarter’s common area. His defeated expression diminished and turned to a large smile as he saw that Irynya had waited up for him. He was glad they were spending more and more time together in the evenings. He gently waved hello to her, “Hi.”

She grinned back, unable to help herself. She set down her PADD and unfolded herself from the table, returning the small wave. "Hi," she replied, taking in his uniform and the exhaustion rolling off of him. "We don't have to stay up and talk if you need to sleep," she commented, grin dimming slightly at the prospect. She moved toward the couch, pausing to see what he would say.

“No,” Kennedy returned her grin. He shook his head in disagreement, “No, I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all day.” He walked over to her. He wanted to have a sonic shower and change into his pajamas,but he didn’t want to waste time. He sat down on the couch next to her brushing his side against her. He looks over into her bright welcoming face, remembering her lips on his. He found her lips inviting, uncertain of himself he dropped his gaze to his feet. He paused for a long moment before looking back. Gulping slightly, his cheeks rosened, “Can I kiss you?”

She stilled a moment. They hadn't kissed, not really, since he had told her how he felt. She considered a brief moment, studying his face as she did. Her heart kicked up a beat seeming to stutter a moment as she pressed her lips together before nodding her ascent.

He placed his hand on her opposite shoulder lightly to pull her towards him. He lightly pressed his lips against hers and increased the firmness until he pulled his lips away from hers. He leaned his forehead against hers as his hand on her shoulder began to lightly caress her shoulder, “I’ve been wanting to do that again since the night I told you everything. I wanted to kiss you that night you and I couldn’t sleep.”

She let out an amused snort. “I very nearly did kiss you that night," she said wryly. "Or did you not notice me practically running to my room?"

“I hadn’t,” Kennedy's cheeks pinked, moving toward the tone that he so frequently wore when talking with Irynya.

"Did we get to first kisses on your list of questions yet or is that one still to be asked?" She inquired, amused by his blushing.

Kennedy’s blush deepened after her inquiry, “I guess I’ll go first to answer. It's only fair…” Kennedy trailed off while he gathered what he was going to say, “I was in my first year at the Academy, I hadn’t made any friends or acquaintances. A fellow cadet saw I ate alone and invited herself to join me. She started once, then twice, then gradually five times a week and even during non-study days she ate with me.”

“We started studying together. She was a senior. I was relieved to finally have someone to hang out with. Then she invited me out off campus, which I reluctantly went along with. We had a good time, then I walked her back to her dorm.... where she kissed me. I think she was aiming for my lips, but I moved. I was unsure what she was attempting and she kissed me on the side of the mouth near my lips. Then she invited me back up, which I took a pass on and said that I needed to return to my own dorm hall to study.

“Then I never saw her again… until very… recently… which was very, very, very awkward… like I didn’t know who she was until I was beaming back to the Sojo. She’s a Lieutenant now, Command Division. Second Officer, I wonder what else she does. She wasn’t very friendly, but she seems to be that way with everyone else.”

"You… ran into your…" Irynya cast about for the right word. It didn't sound like they had been dating exactly, but she really wasn't sure what else to call it. She shook her head. "Why didn't you go up to her room with her?" She finally asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

“I was content just having a friend to study and eat meals with,” Kennedy frowned. “I wasn’t expecting anything more outside of that arrangement. I was already uncomfortable after she tried to kiss me. I felt a bit betrayed. Maybe I was putting out the wrong signals?”

She frowned. "I wasn't there, so I can't say, but it sounds like assumptions were made." She sighed. "It doesn't sound like the best first kiss experience. You've had others though…" she trailed off realizing that she wasn't as confident in the assertion as she thought she should be.

“No... No, I haven't been kissed like that before by anyone..” Kennedy trailed off, “I know we’re still getting to know each other better... but I’ve never felt so comfortable or even intimately like that with, well, anyone.”

Irynya's eyebrows shot up. "Ok," she said simply. "That's good to know." And then, cheeks betraying her, she blushed. "Umm … your question?"

Kennedy froze slightly, finding her answer slightly unnerving after what he had stated about their first kiss.

“I think you owe me an answer,” Kennedy gently nudged her with his elbow, reminding her of the rule that she set forth back at Debbie’s Diner in his initial interview. He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek.

She frowned, brow creasing lightly. She hadn't missed his reaction, but she wasn't sure what to do about it. And his reminder to her told her that he was going to let it go.

"Can I explain that last statement first?" She asked, nerves kicking up in her gut.

Kennedy paused when she asked if she wanted to explain her last point regarding their first kiss. He was worried then and there that he might not like her answer. He swallowed whatever was in his throat, nodding his head with uncertainty, “You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

She tucked her chin, staring at her hands. "I want to." She breathed out, making herself look at him. "It is a big responsibility being someone's first at anything," she said, willing him to understand. "On Risa we take that very seriously."

She snagged one of his hands as she spoke, settling her fingers between his and squeezing lightly. "Knowing how you feel adds extra weight to that. But I am honored to be the first to have made you feel that way. I…" she paused but before she could add anything to her sentence, Kennedy brought his hand to her cheek and lightly pulled her to face him. He looked her in the eyes, pressing his lips against hers abruptly, only touching for a few seconds.

He closed his eyes, parting his lips from hers as chills ran down his spine. He reopened his eyes, “Sorry to interrupt you… I mean… I meant to, I’ll let you expand on that if you want” Kennedy tried to gather more of his thoughts. “I was worried. I know that you're going to be a lot of firsts for... me once we’ve decided what this is and where we go from there.”

She nodded, worrying her bottom lip thoughtfully. "Firsts are funny things. Once they're gone you don't get them back. You… it's not just about whatever this is and whether I am up for your firsts. It's about whether you are sure you want them to be me. Any of them…" she clarified, cheeks betraying her again. When has she become someone who blushed?

"Do you understand?" She asked. "What I feel… it doesn't matter next to that."

“I didn’t know your cheeks did that too,” Kennedy replied. His cheeks, in response to her own, pinkened. He squeezed her hand, “I understand completely… and… if I had my way… I would only want you to be my first… and… my… last.” He leaned in, kissing her on the cheek.

"I didn't know my cheeks did that either," she said wryly. "How… how do you know?" She asked then.

“I’m your first blush,” Kennedy replied with a loving sigh. Am I coming on too strongly here? He took a deep breath,“I just can’t see myself with anyone other than you.” He looked down at his feet, “If that was unfair of me to say, I’m sorry.”

For a moment it felt like someone had sucked the air out of the room. For perhaps the millionth time she wondered if he understood fully what he was saying. If he meant it in the way she was raised to understand things like this, or in some completely different way. Her free hand went up to wrap around the back of her neck, rubbing lightly, and with that small motion all of the air seemed to rush back into the room.

She let her breath out long and slow, eyes now focused back down on their joined hands. For a moment she just let herself enjoy the sensation. His hands were warm and gentle and fit comfortably with hers. She loved how easily and freely he took to letting her just simply sit there and hold his hand.

“Do you remember,” she began, working to get her words in order as she spoke, “when I said these feelings were new to me? Right after you told me you really, really, really liked me?”

She hadn’t met his eyes again yet, but she did so now, anxious for him to confirm his memory of that moment.

Kennedy realized that he placed her in an uncomfortable position again with his comment. Even if she attempted to look him in the eye, his feet were locked onto his knees. Too strong, fuck. He took a deep breath, not particularly fond of the internalized language he had chosen. He hated using that type of language and his conservative upbringing enforced that. He replayed her original question in his mind: Do you remember… when I said these feelings were new to me? Right after you told me you, really, really, really liked me?

Her question repeated again and again in his head. Anxious sweat spread down to his cheeks. He rubbed his face at that moment. He closed his eyes and breathed in and exhaled deeply to regain control.

He looked at her hand. They were still holding hands. It calmed him slightly but he was worried that he didn’t deserve her. He was lucky to have her in his life with all that he had been through. She had been there more than he could count in that moment. He knew that he had to answer. He looked over at her, on his face he was conflicted. He remembered as he nodded his head in an affirming way in a heavy emotional Irish accent he finally replied, “Yes. Yes, I remember.”

“I know and I remember,” Kennedy looked back at his knees and then back to their hands. “As you’ve said before, you need time and that these feelings are very new for you too. I have never felt like this before. I feel very selfish that…”

“Kennedy,” she said, extracting her hand from his and using it to make him look up. “Stop thinking that you’re not allowed to feel what you’re feeling just because I’m still figuring this out, ok?”

She hoped the urgency she felt was coming through in what she said. “That’s not what I meant. I asked if you remembered that specific statement, because I haven’t explained it to you since then, and I’m not sure that it’s been entirely fair to give you no clear context for it.”

“And I promised you the time and I don’t want to rush you. I just feel like I’m setting myself up ahead. I don’t know.”

“You did,” she said, quietly. “Here’s what this is all new means to me.”

She stuck her hand back out for him to take, hoping he’d take her up on the hint.

Kennedy saw her hand reach out the moved his to take hers into his softly, but holding it more awkwardly than before.

“Before I left for the Academy I was in a very serious relationship. For four years, I was with him. I thought, at the time, that I loved him. It seemed clear and obvious to me. He was the first person I ever really thought I loved. And then, when it came down to it, we wanted very different things. I wanted to leave Risa for Starfleet. He wanted to get married and start a family. We couldn’t do both, and in the end he walked away and I left.”

She frowned, adjusting her hand to make them both more comfortable. “Kennedy, I was sure of him. I said things like what you’re saying now. And looking back…” her frown deepened, “I know now that what I thought I felt wasn’t really what I felt.”

She squeezed his hand lightly bringing her other arm around so that she could run her free fingers down his. She slowly traced a line from one finger to the next, gathering her thoughts as she went.

“Whatever this is,” she finally said, “it feels very different from before. And I’m afraid of getting it wrong. Afraid that if I agree to really, truly, see where this all goes then we’ll end up in the place I was with him. Except you’ll be the one realizing that you didn’t feel what you thought you felt. And I’ll be the one left behind.”

He knew she was coming from the right place, “I think I understand.”

“Knowing all of that,” she said after a moment. Her index finger was still tracing a line across his hand, circling lightly down the back of it to his wrist before returning to trace his fingers. “The line on what it is ok to do, knowing so much of this is new to you, and what isn’t, feels really blurry to me. Like…” she stopped tracing, lifting their linked hands without letting go, “are you ok with this?”

He nodded his head but frowned as she let go of her hand. He gave her a perplexed look but he felt like she wasn’t quite done, “Yes.”

She let go of his hand then, but only so she could lean in, her lips whispering across his cheek. “Or this?”

A quick audible exhale of breath passed through Kennedy’s lips while her lips grazed over his cheeks towards his lips, the thrill excited and surprised him. The hairs on his neck straightened up. His eyes remained open and he watched her out of the corner of his eyes. He turned his head as her lips moved towards his before nodding lightly, “Yes. That’s okay.”

She moved then, leaning in to press her lips to his. It seemed like every part of her simultaneously relaxed and was electrified at the same time--a conundrum that matched the turmoil of emotions rolling through her. She pressed into the kiss further, not wanting to be the first to pull away.

Kennedy closed his eyes very briefly as her lips grazed his own before they impacted together into a deeper kiss. His neck hairs stuck straight back up, easing slightly after losing their guard. A louder, yet quick, sound escaped his lips. He wanted to push back but was held back from the returning chills, spiking shivers throughout his body.

Finally, and reluctantly, she pulled away. “Or that?”

He closed his eyes nodding his head with a simple, “Yes, I’m okay with all these things.”

A small relieved smile crossed her features then. “Ethrei,” she remarked. “His name was Ethrei, and we were 12 and were in the back of the transport on a school trip. My first kiss, I mean. Although I’m not sure if that counts.”

=/\= A mission post by =/\=

Lieutenant JG Irynya
Acting Chief Flight Controller

Lieutenant JG Kennedy Ryan Walsh
Acting Chief Medical Officer